SEEK HELP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

Swollen black eyes, lip lacerations, bodily bruises and stab wounds. And no, these are not wounds from a fight. Instead, they represent harm inflicted on a person by an abusive partner. When asked, the abused individual could tell you they fell off the stairs, bumped their heads on a door or simply fell. A curious number of “falls” for one person if you ask me.
 What’s worse is when the victim never seeks medical attention, seems to have answers for every question and staunchly defends the abusing partner. Some do seek medical help and go further to lodge complaints with the police but withdraw after a couple of days to have their cases settled “at home”. Even though neighbours, friends and concerned relatives try to intervene in certain cases these abused individuals do not seem to budge and one can only wonder what makes people remain in abusive relationships?

Domestic violence is physical or verbal abuse directed towards a spouse or partner and can happen across all socio-economic classes: among the poor, rich, educated or the uneducated. Though some men are abused by their wives, women are more often at the receiving end of spousal abuse. In a complex patriarchal society like ours where women were (and in some parts of the country still) expected to be totally submissive towards their husbands, women could be “disciplined” by their spouses so long as the man could prove his wife was disrespectful to justify his “disciplinary” actions.
 There are instances where battered wives who run off to their parents are sent packing back to their matrimonial homes after being lectured about the importance of respecting one’s husband at all times irrespective of what ensues between them. They could not remain with their parents because leaving one’s matrimonial home was considered a dishonor to the father. Even though there are situations where some families try to seek redress by taking the case to the elders of the clan/community, little or nothing is done to improve the problem.

But I sit here and question: what criteria do they even use to determine whether a husband’s “disciplinary action” is beyond acceptable to seek redress? Is it when the victim is beaten to near death? Disfigured? What about pregnant mothers, are there special exemptions in respect of their peculiar condition? And what should be a “justifiable” reason for a man to lay his hands on his wife to begin with?

I’m only very glad that today we have concerted global efforts to fight these abuses and possibly eradicate them. The fight against domestic violence in Ghana has been spearheaded by organisations such as Ark Foundation, Women in Law and Development in Africa, ActionAid Ghana, the Domestic Violence and Victims Support Unit within the Ghana Police Service among many others. Furthermore, the support from parliament with the passage of the Domestic Violence bill into law helps the situation.

Needless to say, we can only win this fight when women or abused partners recognize the fact that they are in an abusive relationship and seek the appropriate help rather than continue in these relationships as many women unfortunately do. These women choose to stay for many reasons – some being the fact that they lack the formal education or qualifications in accessing jobs. And if they are employed at all, what they earn is barely enough to sustain their needs and they must therefore depend on their husbands for financial support.
They further feel “trapped” when they have children in the relationship. We can give them all the motivational talk they need but so far as the means to stand on their own two feet are non-existent they are more likely to remain till one last unforgiving blow sends them to their graves. To re-affirm Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – unless physiological needs are met, safety needs cannot be achieved.

Some studies show that more women live in poverty than men. Whereas education has been identified as the greatest equalizer in helping people access opportunities, our society needs to go a step further in using education as a means to get people, especially women out of poverty. To make education of these women more meaningful we need to increase their access to opportunities such as harnessing their entrepreneurial skills.
There are great entrepreneurs among us and we see them daily in our busy markets. Unfortunately, these people are limited to little stores without the prospects of expanding their businesses to earn better incomes – what they earn is barely sufficient to fulfill their daily needs independently, let alone enough to reinvest and expand their businesses to grow their incomes.
Therefore, we need to make opportunities such as micro-finance loans more accessible to them. Investing in women in ways like these will not only make them achieve greater things but also empower them to sufficiently provide for themselves and other dependants. They will also not be compelled to remain in their abusive relationships due to economic reasons.

While we try to find ways in curbing domestic violence through economic empowerment, you, as a neighbor, friend, relative of an abused person can join in the cause by ensuring these abuses do not continue once you’ve identified a victim. Help the situation by encouraging the abused person to seek assistance as there are organizations out there to assist them. Some will definitely try to make excuses but be persistent in getting them out of the situation before it escalates beyond the reparable. People who stay in their destructive relationships with the hope that their abusing partners will suddenly stop will never see that happening. Their situation will improve only when they are willing to help themselves.