Death ~ The Hush Hush Topic

“Death can sneak up on you like a silent kitten, surprising you with its touch and you have a right to act surprised. Other times death stomps in the front door, unwanted and unannounced, and makes its noisy way to your seat on the sofa” - Hugh Elliott,

Death; that five-lettered word that brings nothing but grieve and pain. At birth is the beginning of the end, a hard truth we are never quite prepared for. No one is ever ready for death, not even the terminally ill person. We can acknowledge that death will come to us one day but to be mentally prepared for it... well that's something different. 
Anytime I hear of the death of someone questions such as these come to mind; did they die peacefully? Were they ready to go? Silly questions perhaps, but those are among the various questions I always ponder on.

I’ve always wondered whether at the point of dying there is a “representative” in the form of the Grim Reaper, Angel of Death etc standing on hand to sever the tie between the body and soul as portrayed in movies and popular fiction; or, whether it is just one fading into nothingness. From what I gather no one has ever ‘seen’ death; at least those purported to have had near death experiences never come back to describe how/what ‘death’ looked like. At most they talked about walking into a bright light, experienced a peaceful feeling but never came quite close to a personified description of it.

Losing a loved one is a traumatic experience; it is the worst thing anyone has to face in life and it doesn’t matter how religious or strong you are, it will break you. I have lost some wonderful people in my life; family relations, classmates, a friend, patients yet it gets harder each time. The loss of a loved will bring you to your knees, make you start questioning the being/deity you believe in and even your own existence. It will shift your perception about life in most ways.

Unless you’ve ever experienced loss through the death of a loved one, you will never understand these emotions I speak of. The loss sends you reeling, you reach out to grasp at something solid to keep you from falling yet you miss. You tumble down into a pit of nothingness, pitch black. You are shocked, you want to believe it’s a bad dream you will wake up from yet it is a reality in all its vivid colours. The world becomes your enemy and sleep becomes your refuge; for in those moments of sleep do you find some semblance of solace and respite from all the memories that come flooding in. You shed tears and hope just maybe, just maybe God might hear your cries and bring your loved one back to life but that never happens. You make bargains with God, you plead, cajole and make threats (for that’s how desperate you become) and then you turn all your hurt and anger on Him.

You begin to question whether God exist and if he truly cares. Why must He give you so much joy and then give you this much pain also?  Why should we pray to Him if he isn’t going to listen and fulfill our prayers anyway? Why is this world so wicked? Why, why?! Days begin to pass in a blur and you go through the motions. You begin to merely exist and not live. In the beginning you try to muster some sense of optimism that the pain will soon be over, the pain would go after grieving for some time yet deep within, you know you would have to brace yourself for the long haul because deep in your heart all is still not well. Then comes moments when you genuinely smile, no actually laugh, at something that amused you, and in that brief moment you think “hey I am better, I am over this” only to find yourself crushing the next moment in tears; one step forward, two steps backward.

In solitude your thoughts become your worst enemy as memories just come flooding and like a boat being tossed on the stormy seas you have no control over them. Hours turn to days, days into weeks and finally that day comes when you bid your loved one farewell forever never to see them again with only their grave as a reminder that they once existed. The world goes on oblivious to your loss and pain. Life now means adjusting to the reality that you will never see them again, never hear their voice again, never will there be the opportunity of making new memories with them anymore.

Then the pain starts fading away and you begin to make peace with your thoughts. When the memories hit you, you don’t cry anymore but rather start to smile. Snippets of conversations play back in your mind, and you appreciate the fact that they contributed in making you who you are today. Finally, someway somehow, you have crawled out of that dark pit. And though there still remain remnants of pain, it doesn’t hurt as it used to. Now, you can actually smile and be happy. Life indeed goes on.

 

Rest In Peace Uncle Aly, love always. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgovv8jWETM&feature=list_other&playnext=1&list=RD03mJ_fkw5j-t0"